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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28994766">Letters of Dysfunction</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/dearsirius/pseuds/dearsirius'>dearsirius</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Accidental Bonding, Angst, Fluff, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Marauders Fest 2020, Mentioned James Potter, Mentioned Regulus Black</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 10:29:12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,180</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28994766</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/dearsirius/pseuds/dearsirius</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Sirius and Lily realize they have a lot more in common than they thought, and they find comfort in each other.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Sirius Black &amp; Lily Evans Potter</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Marauders Fest 2020</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Letters of Dysfunction</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Small droplets of blood fell from the cut on Sirius’s cheek as he power-walked through the empty castle. The crumpled up parchment in his fist was starting to come loose, the corners biting into his palm just slightly. He clenched his fist tighter around it.</p><p>The letter had been dropped off at breakfast. Sirius had nearly panicked when he saw the black bird he’d seen so many times before, never carrying anything good-- and it hadn’t been this time, either. It was from his parents, of course, but instead of ordering him home for the upcoming holidays… the letter was to inform him that he’d been disowned.</p><p><em>Disowned</em>. Sirius gagged at the mere thought of the word-- the thought that he was so fucked up that even the people who were supposed to love him <em>unconditionally</em> didn’t want him.</p><p>He tried to talk to Regulus, after. He didn’t have a plan, he just wanted to talk to him, make sure he hadn’t lost his brother as well. And he came away with bruised ribs, a sliced cheek, and an order from Regulus to never speak to him again.</p><p>So… Sirius was having a pretty shit morning, to say the least, and he couldn’t find it in himself to sit in any class. Instead, he paced the castle, no real objective other than to <em>move</em>.</p><p>Somehow, mindlessly, he ended up at the Astronomy Tower. He liked it there, even during the day when there were no stars to be seen. It was a nice, private place to hide when seeing anyone became too much.</p><p>Sirius pushed the door open just enough to fit through, then pressed his back against it, squeezing his eyes shut and panting like he’d just ran a marathon. He held one arm against his chest, splinting his sore ribs. He tilted his head back against the door and groaned.</p><p>A small sniffle pulled Sirius out of his reverie. He jumped slightly and glanced up, his brows furrowing-- there was never anyone up here, especially during the day. No one came up here except for classes, and there were only classes here late at night.</p><p>His confusion deepened when he spotted the red, slightly wavy hair, the halo of tiny flowers sitting on top, and the scuffed white converse.<em> Lily Evans</em>. She was leaning against the rail, her body visibly shaking.</p><p>“Um… Evans?” Sirius called out softly, approaching her slowly.</p><p>Lily jumped and turned around. <em>She must not have heard me come out</em>. Sirius’s stomach clenched when he saw the tear tracks down her cheeks, the slight flush to them. “Black. What are you doing here?” Lily asked, sounding only mildly annoyed.</p><p>Sirius raised his eyebrows. “I could ask you the same. Not very Prefect-y to skive classes,” he murmured.</p><p>“I deserve a cheat day,” Lily grumbled, turning back around to lean against the rail again. “Can’t say the same about yourself. So why are you here?”</p><p>Sirius shrugged and casually leaned against the rail beside Lily, just barely close enough to touch. “You first.”</p><p>Lily sighed and turned her attention to the sky. “Stargazing. What else?” She said sarcastically.</p><p>“Hm,” Sirius hummed, his gaze still on her. He cocked an eyebrow. “See any cool constellations?”</p><p>Lily scrunched up her nose and folded her arms over her chest. “The sun is a star. It counts.”</p><p>Sirius laughed once. “Didn’t know you were an Astronomer. You wanna tell me why you’re actually here?”</p><p>“Nope,” Lily replied simply, her eyes still fixed on the sky. She finally turned to face Sirius, then looked him up and down. “Oh. You look like hell.”</p><p>Sirius rolled his eyes, and looked her up and down. “You’re one to talk.”</p><p>“Yeah, well.” Lily waved the comment away. “Care to tell me who kicked your ass? I’m intensely curious to know who could take down the ever-so-powerful Sirius Black.”</p><p>Sirius sighed, and pulled out a cigarette from his robe. He lit it with his wand, knowing better than to offer one to Lily, and raised it to his lips. “Well, if you must know, it was my little brother,” he mumbled, his eyes fixed on a cloud that looked incredibly similar to the silhouette of a duck.</p><p>Lily let out a sharp laugh, and Sirius glared at her. She pressed her lips together and shook her head. “Sorry, that was rude. But… your <em>brother</em>? Why?”</p><p>Sirius shrugged. “He doesn’t like his Slytherin cronies knowing he has a filthy, blood-traitor Gryffindor brother. Kids, am I right?” He joked, a bitter smile tugging at his lips.</p><p>Lily’s brows furrowed, her expression suddenly turning serious. “He kicked your ass because he… doesn’t want his friends to know you’re his brother…?”</p><p>“More or less,” Sirius said casually, desperately trying to mask the anguish he’d felt since he saw the black bird this morning. “But I mean, it does make sense, I guess. I’m technically <em>not</em> his brother anymore, so…” another shrug.</p><p>Lily tilted her head slightly. “What’s that supposed to mean?”</p><p>Sirius huffed out a laugh and let the crumpled up parchment in his hand fall to the ground. He looked down, and stepped on it hard. “Well, when a mother and a father love each other very much, they make a baby that they love,” he smirked. “Then there’s babies like me.”</p><p>Lily drew in a heavy breath. “Black… what are you…”</p><p>“Disowned,” Sirius whispered, cutting her off. He laughed, and felt tears burn in his eyes again. “Blasted right off the family tree.” He shook his head, running his fingers through his hair.</p><p>Lily’s eyes widened almost comically. “<em>Disowned</em>? Like, not-in-the-family-anymore disowned?”</p><p>“No, Evans, the other kind of disowned,” Sirius said sarcastically, rolling his eyes. “Yes, not-in-the-family-anymore disowned,” he snapped, tugging hard on his hair.</p><p>“<em>Why</em>? Did you, like, commit a crime?”</p><p>Sirius barked out a laugh. “Nope. That’s the problem,” he spat bitterly. Lily looked at him like he had three heads.</p><p>“You’re raising far more questions than you’re answering,” she murmured, folding her hands together on the rail.</p><p>“They’re <em>Death Eaters</em>, Evans. They kill people.” <em>People like you</em>. “I don’t. They’ve never really liked that, but… they’re even more pissed about who I choose to associate with.” He sighed. “God, I don’t know why I’m telling <em>you</em> this shit.”</p><p>Lily shook her head, and took a step closer. “It’s cool. I mean, neither of us want to leave, so might as well just talk to each other.”</p><p>Sirius took a shuddering breath. He didn’t really think of himself and Lily as cool, but… they had had a couple civil conversations this year. And she helped him with homework sometimes. So maybe they were.</p><p>Well, I’ve already told her shit I haven’t even told my closest friends. We’re in far too deep to back out now.</p><p>“Yeah,” Sirius breathed. “Might as well.”</p><p>“Good.” Lily reached out and settled her hand on Sirius’s forearm. “Care to elaborate?”</p><p>Sirius shrugged. “Nothing else to say, really. I mean, I packed my shit and left over the summer anyway. I literally asked for it,” he closed his eyes, and ran his fingers through his hair. “Still hurts, though, y’know?”</p><p>Lily nodded. “I get it,” she said gently. “Why’d you leave?”</p><p>“Hm. They found out about me and, y’know. A certain halfblood dude,” he let out a sharp, bitter laugh. He knew Lily knew about him and Remus-- who <em>didn’t</em>-- so he didn’t specify who exactly this dude was. “They didn’t like that. They went a little batshit, and, y’know. I left.”</p><p>“I’m sorry,” Lily said earnestly.</p><p>“It’s whatever,” Sirius muttered, pinching the bridge of his nose. “I mean, I’m not excited to be disowned, but… I guess I’m glad to have them out of my hair. Tiny relief, at least.”</p><p>Lily gave a light hum in response. After a moment, she withdrew her hand from Sirius’s arm, and wrapped her arms around herself. “Where did you go?” she whispered.</p><p>Sirius smiled, and ran a hand through his hair. “James’s family took me in,” he said fondly.</p><p>Lily’s eyes widened. “<em>Really</em>? Like, James Potter?” She said, disbelief clear in her voice.</p><p>“Yes, Evans. James Potter,” Sirius laughed, shaking his head. “He’s not nearly as awful as you think he is.”</p><p>Lily pressed her lips into a thin line and looked away. “Interesting,” she breathed. “So you’re Potter’s brother now?”</p><p>Sirius shook his head. “Not legally. They didn’t <em>actually</em> adopt me, I’m just sort of crashing at their place until I can get my own.” He shrugged, and a drag from the cigarette, half-forgotten in his hand. “I do consider James to be my brother, though. And so does he.”</p><p>“Hm.” Lily looked down at her feet awkwardly. “I… didn’t know that,” she said weakly.</p><p>“Yeah,” Sirius replied, biting his lip. He shrugged and ran a hand through his hair. “He helped me a lot, after. I kinda owe him everything.” He laughed gently, and Lily hummed in response.</p><p>They were both silent for a few moments, their eyes fixed on the clouds. Sirius could tell Lily had something on her mind. He turned to face her, pressing his side against the rail. “So. Your turn. Wanna tell me why you’re here?”</p><p>Lily blew out a long, slow breath between her lips. “Pretty similar situation, if you can believe it,” she let out a single laugh, in the same way Sirius always did when he was getting ready to unload some heavy shit. “My sister. Except, she didn’t <em>actually</em> kick my ass.”</p><p>Sirius tilted his head. “I didn’t know you have a sister…?”</p><p>“Yeah. You wouldn’t know her. She… doesn’t go here. That’s the <em>problem</em>.” She took in a quick breath, fresh tears brimming in her eyes. “First she was jealous. Of the magic, the school, everything. Then… I don’t know how. Don’t know when. She just started hating me.”</p><p>Sirius placed his hand on her back, brows furrowing in sympathy. <em>So she really gets it, huh?</em> “Were you close before?” He murmured.</p><p>Lily nodded, and it sent the tears coursing down her cheeks. “Yeah. We were really close. Then just…” She gave a jerky shrug. “I don’t know. But I… I tried to send her a birthday gift. She turned nineteen on Monday. And she sent the gift back, with an order to not contact her again.”</p><p>Sirius gasped, taken aback. “Oh. Damn. That’s…” he cut himself off, shaking his head. <em>Just like me and Reg</em>, he thought, rubbing gentle circles into her back.</p><p>“Yeah.” Lily sniffled, and reached up to pull the flower crown off her hair. “I really miss her. I mean, she’s not <em>dead</em> or anything, I guess I can still make it up to her, but…” she swiped at her tears with her sleeve.</p><p>“You miss who she was before,” Sirius said under his breath, nodding slowly.</p><p>Lily let out a small sob. “Yeah. That,” she rasped.</p><p>She glanced down at the ring of flowers in her hands, and her fists tightened around it. “Mum taught us how to make daisy chains when we were little. She has an affinity for flowers-- I mean, she named both of her kids after them.” Lily laughed lightly. “Me and Petunia used to go outside and make them every day, for years. It was like our thing, we always had flower crowns on our heads…”</p><p><em>Like how Regulus and I would stargaze every night before bed</em>, Sirius thought, the memories flooding in, bitter and tinged with loss. His hand curled into a fist on Lily’s shoulder. <em>I didn’t realize how much I missed that.</em></p><p>Lily shook her head, tears dripping onto the rail. She uncurled her hands around the crown and let it fall over the edge, landing softly on the bed of grass below the tower, barely visible from the top. Sirius watched it go, and fought the urge to kick the letter lying at his feet off the edge as well.</p><p>“I’m sorry, Lily,” he said gently. “I get it. It fucking <em>sucks</em> to watch the person you were closest to drift further and further away.” He blew out a slow breath, absently rubbing circles over Lily’s shoulder. He tried to come up with something reassuring to say, but there was <em>nothing</em>. It fucking <em>sucked</em>, and that was the end of it, as far as he knew. “I understand,” he whispered instead.</p><p>Lily glanced up at him, tears clinging to her lashes, her lip trembling. “Sometimes I wish I didn’t have magic. I wish I was normal, so I could still have her,” she confided softly.</p><p>Sirius’s jaw clenched. “Sometimes I wish I was in Slytherin, so I could have kept my original family. But… I look around at what I have, and I think I’m much happier where I am than I would be if I was in Slytherin. You know?”</p><p>Lily nodded, and a small smile escaped through her tears. “You should do motivational speaking.”</p><p>Sirius snorted and shook his head. “Hell no. I’d do way more harm than good,” he said, smiling back.</p><p>“Might as well. I mean, are you gonna do Quidditch forever?” Lily teased.</p><p>“Merlin, no, I could never make a career out of that shit,” Sirius said, scrunching up his nose. “I think I want to be an Auror. Do some good in the world, or something. I don’t know.”</p><p>Lily perked up, and quickly wiped away the stray tears under her eyes. “You do? That’s so cool!” She said, genuine enthusiasm in her voice. Sirius grinned. “I want to be a Healer. Also do some good in the world.”</p><p>“Could’ve guessed that,” Sirius said, still grinning, ignoring the stabbing pain in his cheek. “Very you. I thought I wanted to do that for a while, but…” Sirius shrugged. “Not really for me. I want to <em>fight,” </em>he said with a mischievous wink.</p><p>Lily rolled her eyes playfully. “Of course you do. You’ve had lots of practice, you’ll do just fine.”</p><p>“It’s my calling,” Sirius replied, rolling his shoulders. “You’ll become a kickass Healer, and you’ll get to heal my ass when shit hits the fan. Or my fourteen year old brother kicks my ass again.” He shot her a small smile, and she returned it.</p><p>“Hm. Deal.”</p><p>Sirius held out his hand, and Lily shook it firmly. He couldn’t help but think about how odd this was-- standing on the Astronomy Tower, talking about his family issues and aspirations to Lily Evans, of all people. This girl who hated him-- rightfully-- for so many years. He was confiding in her like she was a <em>diary</em>, and she was doing it right back. <em>Oh, god, James is gonna be pissed.</em></p><p>Sirius turned back to face the sky, taking another drag from his cigarette. “You know,” he started lightly, his gaze fixed again on the slightly misshapen duck cloud. “You should really give James a chance.”</p><p>Lily scrunched her nose in distaste. “Oh yeah? Why’s that?” She asked, sounding almost defensive. That’s new. Sirius chuckled.</p><p>“I mean, I know he’s a bit of an insufferable asshole at times. But… once you get to know him, he’s the kindest dude you’ll ever meet.” Sirius glanced at Lily, resting his chin on his palm. “And he really, really likes you.”</p><p>Lily pointedly kept her gaze away from Sirius. “He doesn’t even know me,” she whispered.</p><p>“Sure he does.” Sirius thought for a moment, recalling the things James has said about her in their many late-night talks. “Maybe he doesn’t know your mind, but… he sees it all, Evans. Trust me.”</p><p>Lily shrugged, staring at her feet. “I don’t like how he treats Severus,” she muttered, her expression going dark.</p><p>Sirius blew out a heavy breath. “Yeah, understandable. But we’ve been working on that. Have you seen it happen this semester?”</p><p>Lily froze for a moment, then glanced up at Sirius. “I guess not,” she said, her eyes glassy.</p><p>“Exactly.” Sirius finally withdrew his hand from her shoulder, and met her eyes. “He’s changed. A lot. You might really like him, if you gave him one more chance.”</p><p>Lily sighed. “I’ll consider it.”</p><p>“Good,” Sirius breathed. “Honestly, just make eye contact with him and you’ll make his whole fucking week.”</p><p>They both laughed, all the tears from before completely forgotten, abandoned along with the letters on the ground. Sirius hissed and raised one hand to the cut on his cheek, the other arm wrapping around his busted ribs. <em>Jesus, the kid really kicked my ass.</em></p><p>“Oh!” Lily said, pulling out her wand. “Can I fix that for you? Or would you like to keep your war wounds?”</p><p>Sirius snorted. “Hard decision. Maybe I’ll go around telling everyone I got into a fight with a hippogriff. Badass, right?”</p><p>Lily cocked an eyebrow and aimed her wand at Sirius’s face. “Definitely more badass than telling them it was your little brother.”</p><p>Sirius gasped, eyes wide in a look of mock-hurt. “<em>That</em> was uncalled for.”</p><p>“Deal with it.” Lily smirked. “Hold still, dumbass. Don’t make me take an eye out, that would be a massive pain in the ass to deal with.”</p><p>She muttered a spell, and the wound quickly knitted itself back together. She make quick work of repairing each cracked rib, then slipped her wand back into her pocket. “Good as new, huh?” Sirius muttered, running his hand along where the cut was a couple seconds ago. “Already on the right track to be a kickass healer.”</p><p>Lily blushed, and bent down to pick up her bag. “Whatever you say,” she said, smiling. She swiped at her cheeks again, the few stray tears disappearing. “We should probably head to class. I have potions and I might end up with my ass kicked as well if I’m late to Slughorn’s.”</p><p>She started to leave, then stopped and turned around expectantly. Sirius bent to pick up his bag, and froze as his hand brushed against the letter still sitting on the concrete. “You go. I’ll catch up in a second,” he said with a small smile, waving her on. Lily gave a look that clearly said<em> I don’t want to be a part of whatever’s about to happen</em>, and turned back around to leave.</p><p>Sirius blew out a long breath and picked up the parchment, carefully unfurling it. He read it one last time, then pulled out his wand and held it to a corner. “<em>Incendio</em>,” he whispered, and immediately, the letter began to burn.</p><p>He watched it slowly disintegrate in his hand, the words he wished he’d never had to read disappearing right before his eyes. He couldn’t burn the memories, the years spent with a family who couldn’t give him the unconditional love they were supposed to, but… this was a start. It felt like the beginning of a new life.</p><p>When the letter was reduced to just one tiny corner, Sirius let it fall over the edge of the tower. He sighed, trembling with the rush of emotions brought along with the demise of the final note from his old family. He relaxed his shoulders and turned to leave, somehow feeling so much lighter than before.</p>
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